They Said No

We had our home study and after 6 hours of questions on many topics the lady left with a concerned look on her face.  She called 10 minutes after she had left and said for us not to do anything else until she had presented our file to her supervisor.  I went back and forth with my emotions for the next few days. One minute I would think, "surely they would not let us spanking our daughter one time in the last 8 months keep us from adopting" and the next minutes I would think, "They are not going to approve us."  I talked to friends and family about how I would handle it if they said no and my mom said, "You can prepare all you want, but it will still be hard."

Tuesday afternoon, she called and said that the committee had pre-screened our file and decided that they were not comfortable with us moving forward with the process.  They gave several reasons, but the biggest one was our use of spanking as a form of discipline for our daughter.  She kept saying, "We are not saying you are bad parents," but I wanted to scream at her, "it sure sounds like it."  It was like a knife through my chest.  My husband was in shock and my daughter very confused as to why they won't let us adopt now.

We do not know what we will do at this point.  I know my emotions are all over the place - I guess I am going through the various stages of grief because one minute I am fine, then sad, then angry and then totally confused.  Does God want us to move forward with a different agency?  Should we just stop seeking to grow our family?  Maybe we are not meant to have anymore children in our home.  How could they not let a family who is willing to provide a safe and loving home to a child be able to do that?  None of it makes sense to our family.

It will take time, but I know our family will heal.  We appreciate and covet your prayers for peace and comfort because I know they are helping -otherwise I know I would have completely fallen apart by now.

Third Trimester

We sent in the adoption package in January.  I said it felt like when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, like "this is really happening!"  We went through the "pain" of getting the paperwork together, finding people to be references, finding somebody to be our alternate caregiver, etc. 

 Next, we went through the "knowledge" section of this process.  We took lots of classes to help prepare us for whatever child gets placed with us (although I don't think you can ever fully be prepared until it actually happens). 

 Now, we are in the final phase.  It really feels like the third trimester of pregnancy to me.  We are getting the house ready - painting the room, organizing, putting latches on cabinets, etc. I am definitely nesting and trying super hard not to be too nagging to my husband to get things completed. 

The lady from the agency is coming to our house this Saturday to do our home study!  It is very exciting and a little surreal to think we are finally at the end.  I'm sure after the home study when Lord willing they say we are able to open our home for children then it will be the waiting game, just like waiting and not knowing when your baby will be born.  We will be waiting to get a placement - unsure of when it will be or what gift God has in store for us.  Will our child be healthy or have medical concerns?  What will our child's personality be?  Will Lilly and the new child get along?  There are so many unknowns but I know God has it all under control. 

God Is Doing Something

God is always doing something, I know this!  Right now, I know He is up to something in our adoption process.  I am not sure what it is, but it is something.

I think I have been patiently waiting in this "lull" that we are in of our process.  It feels like for months every time somebody says, "How is the adoption process going"  I answer with the same thing, "We are just waiting on A, B, and C and then hopefully we can move on to our home study.

Just recently, I have been getting a little antsy.  We haven't gotten our FBI fingerprint results back yet, it has been over 2 months and most people get there's back in about 30 days.  Our contact at the agency has been e-mail those in charge of this to see what the hold up is.

We have been trying to get in touch with the fire inspector for over 2 months.  I have called and left messages every other day or so with no response.  Finally, I e-mailed our contact at the agency who put me in contact with another person and she sent me to a website where I was to print off an application and physically take it into the Fire Marshal's office for our county.  I was all set with the application and ready to walk out the door when guess who calls?  The inspector we had been trying to contact!  I try to set up a date and he informs me that I need a permit before he can come out.  We had heard nothing about getting a permit, so boy was I confused.  I try to call the agency, but nobody answers. I know they are busy.  So, I decide to go ahead with the application and see what the people at the fire marshal's office say.  Thankfully, I walk in there and I am the only "customer" in the building.  The ladies at the desk informed me that where I lived was in the county but it was also in the city of Houston so there office couldn't service me.  As you can imagine, I am starting to get really frustrated now.  One of the ladies notices my frustration and tell me that she is a private inspector and she would be happy to come inspect our home.  She also prints off a list of all the things that need to be done before she comes out to our house.  Praise the Lord! 

I don't know why all the hoops are necessary, but I do know that there is a reason for the hold ups in these areas.  I may never see the reason, but I know God does and that is the one thing that puts me at peace.

So we are moving along, at God's pace and knowing that He has got this!

In Case You Were Wondering...

It has been 7 months since we started the adoption process.  In my head we should be finished by now but there have been a few bumps in the road, and I know that it is just God's way of directing us to his time table and not our own. 

Back in May, my husband came home from his work trip and told me that the company was restructuring and they were letting lots of people go.  He thought they might have a position for him after they were finished moving people around but it turned out they did not.  He got severance pay so that was definitely helpful in covering out bills, but we knew they would not put a child in our home without either of us having a job. 

The agency that we are working with - DePelchin Children's Center - stated in some of their paperwork that if you had a "life change" you would have to wait a year before going through the process.  We really didn't want to start all over being this close to home study, so we sent an e-mail.  We told them we were confident in Mark getting another job soon and that we wanted to continue with the process as much as possible.  They said ok - yeah!

Praise God, Mark does have a new job now.  He will have to work a lot of hours during the training process but what a blessing that he will be home every evening.  I think this will be a great thing when it comes to adopting a child and of course, for our own sweet Lilly. 

So now, we are ready to go to home study to be "reviewed." Please pray that they find us fit to adopt and that our house will not need too many repairs in order to meet their qualifications. 

Change in Plans

Our original plan was to do straight adoption, they told us it would be more difficult to get the age child we wanted that way, but not impossible.  Then, we got a phone call that changed things.  The lady said we could not move forward unless we were willing to do foster to adopt in emergency situations.  She said she totally understood if we did not feel comfortable with that and wanted to close our account, but that we needed to think about it and let her know.  We were shocked and taken back!

We prayed, got others to pray and then we decided that God was not telling us to close our account so forward we would move. 

Now, we are going to foster to adopt with the intent to adopt.  The primary reason we didn't want to go that route to begin with is because of Lilly.  When I had mentioned it to her before, she said it made her very sad.  Since this change of events, I have had a chance to talk with her more in depth about it and it still makes her sad that they might have to leave, she seems to like the idea of being a big sister to a child who needs a safe home.

Next step, a few more pieces of paperwork (I'm sure it is more than a few) and then a week of classes for my husband and I. 

Oh, the Unknown!

We mailed off our adoption package a little over a week ago.  Now, we are waiting.  Waiting for them to call us and schedule our classes.  Waiting to find out what we need to do next.

In many ways, I think it is very similar to when I found out I was pregnant with Lilly.  After going to the doctor, I wanted to know what I was supposed to do next.  Everything was unknown. 

I didn't know if I would have a healthy child in the end...
I didn't know if the child would be a boy or girl...
I didn't know how the child would look...
I didn't know how the child would act...
I didn't know when the child would come...
I didn't know how we would provide for the child...


All the unknowns make me nervous but KNOWING that my God is in control gives me peace.  I know they will call at the perfect time and that I need to "cast all my cares on the Lord" and "do not be anxious about anything"

A Reminder from My Girl

We mailed the adoption application in last week!  We are so excited and nervous!

Since we started filling out the application, I have been praying for the "potential" child (or children) that will join our family.  Asking God to watch over the child and keep him or her out of harms way. 

Well, today I was praying for our future child and Lilly stopped me afterward.  She said, "You know, Mom, there are lots of children out there without a mom or a dad.  You shouldn't just be praying for the one coming to our family, but all the rest of them too."

Ouch!

As my husband said, "Out of the mouths of babes.."

So, as a reminder from my sweet girl, I will be praying for all the orphans out there tonight. 

Baby Steps

Once my husband and I realized we were on the same page with pursuing adoption, then we both kind of looked at each other and said, "Now what?"  What is the first step?  We talked about what kind of child we felt would fit best in our family and whether we wanted to adopt internationally or domestically.  Our conclusion was that we would like to adopt domestically and that we would like for Lilly to be the oldest child or at least the oldest girl (a big brother could be pretty cool).  We know full well that God could change all of our "ideas" and bring somebody totally different into our family, but for now, this is what we have "decided."

Second step, find an agency or group to work with to help us through this process.  We attended an orientation for a group that works with helping to get homes for children who are already in child protective services - either through adoption or fostering.  There was some information that was a little eye opening for me - not being able to home school the child until the adoption was finalized was one and that you we were not allowed to physically discipline our own child while an adopted child was in our home or we could be in danger of losing all of the children, even our own?! 

We took the application home with us after the orientation and it sat on the desk for a couple of weeks. We prayed.  Then, finally, I was moved to pick it up and start working on it.  I was stumped by a lot of the questions and I almost immediately put it back down thinking, "how am I going to answer these questions?"  How do I put the way my family shows anger into words?  How do I explain the chore distribution in our house in a way that makes sense?  What would we do if a child was afraid of our dog?  How do we deal with nudity in our home?  Lots of questions to think about. 

Then, the documentation - health forms, references, diplomas, background checks, etc.  As of now, January 2013, we are just about finished with the first round of paperwork. It is exciting and scary.  I know that God is every much in control of this as He is in us having a baby naturally - either way it is up to Him whether we will have any more children or not.  So, when we send in the application with all the documentation it will go with prayers as well.  Prayers for God's will!

Will I Ever Fully Get It?

Throughout the whole process of not getting pregnant the passed 3 years, I thought I had learned the lesson - I am not in control when it comes to having a baby..God is.  No matter how much I plan, calculate, etc God has the ultimate say so in whether or not we have a baby or not. Got it!

Or, maybe not...

Recently, my husband and I have been looking into the idea of adopting a child.  My thoughts:  "we are good parents, we already have one child who is smart and well-behaved, so of course they will want to give us a child"

We went to an adoption orientation for a local agency.  Our idea was that we would adopt a 2-5 year old.  The lady began the session by telling us that if weren't adopting a child 8 years old or older, a sibling group of 3 or more, or doing the foster to adopt program then our chances of getting a child the ages we wanted were very slim.

So, I began to think, "Maybe we should to the foster to adopt" "Maybe we should adopt older"

I am so thankful for my husband, he could see my wheels turning and he turned and said to me, "We will not be fostering any children because that would be too hard on Lilly.  We will fill out the application as we planned and then we will leave the rest to God." 

It was a breath of fresh air to me.  Exactly what I needed to hear, through my husband
God had to remind me that having another child - through adoption or biologically - either way, it is still up to God!

Adoption?

If you don't know, my husband have been trying to have another baby for almost 3 years now.  You can read more about that here.  Before I came to a place where I laid all my frustrations and struggles with this issue at HIS FEET, I had thought maybe we should adopt.  After, I laid all my burdens down before Him and went about seeking God's will for me, I realized that this was just me trying to control the situation and get a baby. 


Recently, I have been following some pretty inspiring blogs about adoption.  Like this one and this one.  And, being curious I have been searching through the pictures of the children up for adoption in my area.  I found out that many of them have medical needs that I don't know if I could handle - I don't do well with blood and medical stuff.  Then, I came across a little girl that I have had interaction with and she does have a few medical issues.  I could picture her in our family.  It makes a difference when you look at the pictures as children who need homes and are children and not just a face with a medical issue.


In my prayer time, I asked God if this is something He would have our family do?  He has begun to move on my heart, but I know it isn't the right time because The Lord hasn't moved on my husbands heart yet.  I know that if it is something God wants us to do, He will place it on both of our hearts and make a way for it.  I just want God to know that I am willing to be used however He sees best.