Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Fasting and Revelations

Last week, I joined Linny and her blog followers, in a day of fasting and prayer.  I wasn't planning to do it after I read that it was coming up, but that morning I felt led to join in.  Honestly, I did not think I could do it.  Only one other time have I fasted and it was for medical purposes, not spiritual.  I was surprised by the fact I wasn't more hungry than I was - I did end up having a piece of bread at lunch and one at dinner but mostly so I could "break bread" with my daughter instead of sitting there watching her eat. 

This experience was very enlightening.  I had a few revelations during this time:
1) I read all the prayer requests on the blog and realized that my "prayer request" to have another child was so, so, so minor compared to all the others - people whose children were so sick, or people who haven't talked to their children in years, or people without jobs, or people whose marriages were falling apart.  I am not saying God doesn't care about my desires, but I realized that my focus was off.  I should be focusing on my blessings.

2) I was crying out to God, wondering why all these Christians were hurting so bad then I was reminded that we are not meant to have heaven on earth.  Not that God doesn't want good things for us, but if everything on earth were peachy all the time, why would we want to go to heaven. I was also reminded that Jesus never promises that following Him will be easy, in fact, He says that it will be hard and Christians will be persecuted but that our rewards will be in heaven. Praise God for that!

3) I realized that my focus in prayer and in actions needed to not be on myself but on others and on what God wants me to do. 

So, I am throwing my agenda out and leaving my slate empty for God to fill and direct me where He desires I go.

"I will go, Lord, if you lead me."

Monday, September 24, 2012

Don't Know What to Ask

Recently, I wrote a post where I talked about how I never know what to do in certain situations, so I always call people to help me.  Now, I'm writing a post about not knowing what to ask for help?  It seems contradictory but it isn't. 

My husband travels a lot.  He is gone for long chunks of time and then home for a good chunk of time.  It is hard, but we are making it work by focusing on the positives...more on that in another post.  People are always telling me that if I need anything while he is away to just ask.  I would love to take people up on their offers, but I don't know what to ask them to do.  I mean, what exactly is my responsibility that I shouldn't pass off on others and what is the "extra" that is ok to ask others to help with?  Since, I don't know the answer to this question I usually end up doing it all alone. 

If you are one of those people who offers to help me, just know that I appreciate your offer, but I honestly do not know what to ask you to do. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Help! I Don't Know What to Do!

I am adult, but sometimes I feel like others are way more grown up than I am.  There are certain situations that I find myself in and I just don't know what to do except call somebody. 

If I am not feeling well or my daughter is sick or has a bump, rash, etc I never know if I should go to the doctor?  Is this normal?  Should I just wait it out?  So, I usually call my mom.

If our dog is having issues where I don't know if I should take her to the vet or just wait it out, I call my aunt.

If I hear noises in my attic or have an unknown critter in my yard - I call my neighbor.

You get the point, right?  I just can't seem to handle these situations by myself.  Usually, I can't even come up with a plan of action at the moment - except call so-and-so.  Then, when that person tells me what to do or comes to do something, I think, "Why didn't I think of that?  It seems so logical." 

Maybe one day I'll grow up and know how to handle these things, but until then I will be thankful I have people to call. 

Monday, September 17, 2012

Change My Heart?

Have you ever prayed for God to change your husband's heart about something only to find out that it was your heart that needed changing, not his. 

I can recall a time when this was the case:

One was when we just starting attending out current church and I didn't feel like it was a right fit for us.  I felt it was time for us to go somewhere else.  I kept asking my husband if we could leave and attend some other places.  He continued to say, "I don't think it is time yet.  I think God wants us to stay here for a while longer."  So, I prayed, "Lord, change his mind, let him see things my way."  Come to find out, God changed my heart about our church and now I can't imagine going somewhere else. 

If you have ever read the book by Stormie Omartian, Power of a Praying Wife, you know that the first thing she tells you to pray for when praying for your husband is for his wife.  It is a hard concept to grasp, but it definitely helps me check my motives.  Am I trying to get my husband to do what I want or what God wants?  Ultimately I want to do what God wants always, but sometimes I get sidetracked.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Alone in the Crowd

Have you ever been in a room full of people, people you know, and felt very alone?  I do not like this feeling at all.  I get in these situations where I feel like I should have something to say to somebody, but I can't think of anything.  In my head, it seems as if everybody is talking to somebody and all I can do is stand there and try to smile.  Pressure comes over me during these times and it is almost like a very mild panic attack inside my body. 

I am an introvert, always have been, so that means I get my energy from being alone and having quiet time.  This does not mean that I do not like to be around people.  When I am with 1 or 2 friends, sometimes I feel like I can't stop talking.  Since being a stay at home mom, I crave time to talk with my husband or other moms or just adults in general. 

When I was in high school and college, people used to tell me they thought I was being "stuck up" or "snooty" because I wouldn't talk to people.  I guess that is what I think now as an adult, that if I don't talk to people they are going to think I am being rude and I really am not trying to be. 

Does anybody else experience this or is it just me?

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Submit to Your Husband

Right after October 2006, when I truly accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and started living for Him and not for myself, I learned the true meaning of the verse "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord" Ephesians 5:22.  It doesn't mean to let them walk all over you or beat you, but to trust them (as you do the Lord) to lead your family.  In doing this, sometimes I have to bite my tongue to what I think is right and let my husband lead our family in the way he thinks we should go. 

My feelings on this used to be that my husband was going to be accountable to the Lord for the ways He led us, so I found it easy to be like "it's on your shoulders, Babe, do what you feel God is calling us to do."  Then, if it was wrong or ended badly, I would think, "I'm glad I'm not accountable for that." 

Recently, I realized I am his helpmate. God has made us one through our marriage so I shouldn't think that his decisions don't have any eternal effect on me.  If I think the way he his leading us on a certain decision isn't the godly path, then I need to 1) pray about it, make sure I'm not just trying to "get my way" but that I think there is a better choice, 2) talk to my husband about the decision and we need to pray together about the decision, and 3) if he still chooses the path that I don't agree with, continue to pray for him but also submit and leave it alone even if it does turn out "wrong" or "badly." 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Friends or Angels?

Have you ever had that person that came into your life at just the right time?  Like maybe you were going through a crisis or just a hard time in your life and they came around at just the moment you needed them and gave you encouragement or help or whatever.  I have had many friendships like this, but the part that makes me sad is that usually it seems like the person falls out of your life afterwards.  There isn't an argument or something where there were hard feelings, but the friendship just ended.

I am pretty sure I have been that kind of friend in other people's lives.  We meet at just the moment where I'm able to help them out or encourage them or just be the listening ear they need. 

Wondering if God does this for a purpose, uses us as angels for people when they need it or puts angels in our lives for a time and then they move on to help others.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Long Time, No Post

I haven't posted on this blog in a while because I have a new blog that focuses on my daughter.  I feel like she is who most of my posts focus on.  In my journal, though, I keep record of so many things I would like to blog about so I'm going to start. 

All of the posts are about things I'm sure I am not alone on, but sometimes I feel alone when it comes to these topics.  I am hoping that if anybody who is reading this has been in the same situation or had the same feelings that you'll let me know I'm not alone or that you'll feel encouraged that you are not alone. 

Here we go....