Last week, I joined Linny and her blog followers, in a day of fasting and prayer. I wasn't planning to do it after I read that it was coming up, but that morning I felt led to join in. Honestly, I did not think I could do it. Only one other time have I fasted and it was for medical purposes, not spiritual. I was surprised by the fact I wasn't more hungry than I was - I did end up having a piece of bread at lunch and one at dinner but mostly so I could "break bread" with my daughter instead of sitting there watching her eat.
This experience was very enlightening. I had a few revelations during this time:
1) I read all the prayer requests on the blog and realized that my "prayer request" to have another child was so, so, so minor compared to all the others - people whose children were so sick, or people who haven't talked to their children in years, or people without jobs, or people whose marriages were falling apart. I am not saying God doesn't care about my desires, but I realized that my focus was off. I should be focusing on my blessings.
2) I was crying out to God, wondering why all these Christians were hurting so bad then I was reminded that we are not meant to have heaven on earth. Not that God doesn't want good things for us, but if everything on earth were peachy all the time, why would we want to go to heaven. I was also reminded that Jesus never promises that following Him will be easy, in fact, He says that it will be hard and Christians will be persecuted but that our rewards will be in heaven. Praise God for that!
3) I realized that my focus in prayer and in actions needed to not be on myself but on others and on what God wants me to do.
So, I am throwing my agenda out and leaving my slate empty for God to fill and direct me where He desires I go.
"I will go, Lord, if you lead me."