Baby Steps

Once my husband and I realized we were on the same page with pursuing adoption, then we both kind of looked at each other and said, "Now what?"  What is the first step?  We talked about what kind of child we felt would fit best in our family and whether we wanted to adopt internationally or domestically.  Our conclusion was that we would like to adopt domestically and that we would like for Lilly to be the oldest child or at least the oldest girl (a big brother could be pretty cool).  We know full well that God could change all of our "ideas" and bring somebody totally different into our family, but for now, this is what we have "decided."

Second step, find an agency or group to work with to help us through this process.  We attended an orientation for a group that works with helping to get homes for children who are already in child protective services - either through adoption or fostering.  There was some information that was a little eye opening for me - not being able to home school the child until the adoption was finalized was one and that you we were not allowed to physically discipline our own child while an adopted child was in our home or we could be in danger of losing all of the children, even our own?! 

We took the application home with us after the orientation and it sat on the desk for a couple of weeks. We prayed.  Then, finally, I was moved to pick it up and start working on it.  I was stumped by a lot of the questions and I almost immediately put it back down thinking, "how am I going to answer these questions?"  How do I put the way my family shows anger into words?  How do I explain the chore distribution in our house in a way that makes sense?  What would we do if a child was afraid of our dog?  How do we deal with nudity in our home?  Lots of questions to think about. 

Then, the documentation - health forms, references, diplomas, background checks, etc.  As of now, January 2013, we are just about finished with the first round of paperwork. It is exciting and scary.  I know that God is every much in control of this as He is in us having a baby naturally - either way it is up to Him whether we will have any more children or not.  So, when we send in the application with all the documentation it will go with prayers as well.  Prayers for God's will!

Experiences

When I was younger, I remember talking to people about certain events happening in their life and I would just kind of nod my head as if I understood.  I'm sure during some of those conversations I probably gave my input on what I think I would do in that circumstance or how I will handle it if that ever happens to me.  Honestly, I don't remember any of my responses, but I do know that I never fully understood until I went through the situation myself.

Examples of these experiences:

Being married to a military man

Experiencing a deployment

Moving and living overseas

Having a baby

Having a c-section

Raising a child

Buying a house

Experiencing infertility

Having a husband who travels a lot for his job


I know people who have never experienced these can be kind and offer advice (just as I did), but I think that until you actually experience it you never truly understand. 

Of course, I know there are many things that I haven't experienced that others have and so I am learning to be more careful with the words I share in these situations.  I want to be encouraging and helpful, but I now know that unless I have been through it myself, I just won't get it.

Will I Ever Fully Get It?

Throughout the whole process of not getting pregnant the passed 3 years, I thought I had learned the lesson - I am not in control when it comes to having a baby..God is.  No matter how much I plan, calculate, etc God has the ultimate say so in whether or not we have a baby or not. Got it!

Or, maybe not...

Recently, my husband and I have been looking into the idea of adopting a child.  My thoughts:  "we are good parents, we already have one child who is smart and well-behaved, so of course they will want to give us a child"

We went to an adoption orientation for a local agency.  Our idea was that we would adopt a 2-5 year old.  The lady began the session by telling us that if weren't adopting a child 8 years old or older, a sibling group of 3 or more, or doing the foster to adopt program then our chances of getting a child the ages we wanted were very slim.

So, I began to think, "Maybe we should to the foster to adopt" "Maybe we should adopt older"

I am so thankful for my husband, he could see my wheels turning and he turned and said to me, "We will not be fostering any children because that would be too hard on Lilly.  We will fill out the application as we planned and then we will leave the rest to God." 

It was a breath of fresh air to me.  Exactly what I needed to hear, through my husband
God had to remind me that having another child - through adoption or biologically - either way, it is still up to God!