When Mark and I first got married, I was ready for kids right away, but Mark wasn't. I tried not to be a nag about it, especially since my desire went back and forth, but every once in a while I would bring it up and the answer from Mark was always the same - not now.
When we moved to Misawa we were told that one of three things happens to you when you live in Misawa, you either got married, divorced or had a baby. Well, I was already married and certainly didn't want a divorce (even though during the 6 months of our stay it looked like that might happen) but a baby still wasn't a desire in Mark's heart.
After we got saved and starting living our lives for the LORD, my desire for a baby began to grow and grow. Hesitantly, I went to my husband to discuss the topic again. I was sure that he was still going to say not now, but to my surprise this time he said he was ready. Wow!
I went to the doctor and got checked out, started taking flinstone vitamins (b/c i'm such a wimp about swallowing pills), and just started taking better care of myself to prepare for a baby. We began "trying and planning" to have a baby - thinking that we were in control. ha ha Our "trying and planning" lasted for nine months with each month ending in the same result - not pregnant. I would even get myself all worked up around the time of my period, that if I was even a day late I went to take a pregnancy tests. Crazy, I know. I began to think that it was going to be years before having a baby or that we weren't able to for some reason.
Finally, I decided we weren't going to plan this anymore because it wasn't going to happen in our time, it was going to happen when God decided we were ready. I lifted the situation to the Lord - my prayer was that HE would allow it to happen or HE would change the desires of our hearts so that we would be at peace without having children.
As soon as I changed my thinking and turned it over to the LORD, that is when we found out I was pregnant. What a wonderful blessing to be waiting for something and to have your prayers answered like you hoped. It is a shame though that I went through months thinking we could control when this miracle would happen - I should have given the situation to God right away. I mean,really, it was already HIS. :)
**As a side note, it couldn't have been better timing for Lilly's delivery. I was due March 1st, Mark was getting out of the Navy and his last "technical" day was March 31st. We had all access to all the military benefits for her birth, which if you know anything about military insurance - we didn't have to pay a dime for the delivery. God is so good!
This is a wonderful story... My husband and I don't believe in using birth control and have handed the situation over to God, but although it has been 2 and a half years since we did that, so far God has not blessed us with a baby. When we give the reins over to God for Him to bless us with children in His time, we have to be prepared for WHATEVER His answer is. For me, this has been a terribly hard struggle because I have such a deep desire for more children. Every month I used to think that surely this time He would give us a child, and each month the disappointment stung and tore me apart. Through this, God has taught me so many lessons - of patience, of contentment, of trusting Him to know best.
ReplyDeleteYour story is beautiful.
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