Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The blues

As women, I know we are prone to having the "blues" every once in a while. It is just the way God created us. I think I go through 3-4 year cycles where I'm happy as a clam for a couple of years and then all of a sudden it seems like I get into a funk and I get stuck there. In high school, it was about the time my parents split up and I ended up doing some really stupid stuff. In college, I actually went through counseling to help pull myself out of the whole. I went through this depression twice when I lived in Jacksonville as well, but the first time was right before Mark proposed so that lifted my spirits and the second time was right before we found out we were moving to Japan - this news brightened my mood.

Just knowing that change was on the horizon helps me pull myself out of my depression, but more importantly now is knowing that I ALWAYS have Jesus to lean on. Having Jesus as my Lord and Savior really helps when you are going through trials because you know you will always overcome them because He will only give you as much as you can handle. Notice I said that there will still be trials even with Jesus in control - some people think that if you are Christian everything will be cake - well that isn't true and Jesus never said that.

I've been going through one of my funks lately and I know God will pull me through it however, I do not like being so emotional. People think there is really something wrong when really it isn't anything anybody else can help with.

If you are on facebook, you know that I had a rough day on Sunday. Here's the scoop of it, for those that are interested:

I got my period - normally that wouldn't be a huge deal, but Mark and I have been trying to have another baby for over a year now. Most months, it isn't a huge deal to find out that I'm not pregnant, but sometimes I just get myself all worked up into thinking that I am pregnant that I get really disappointed when I find out I'm not. Now, I don't want you to think that I am not grateful for the daughter I have because that couldn't be further from the truth. I just think an addition to our family would be wonderful - I think Lilly would be a great big sister. It will happen in God's perfect timing, I know this in my head, but sometimes my heart forgets that part. I know God has plans for me and I'm sure they do not involve me sitting and dwelling on the fact that I'm not pregnant again, so I will move on and be still and hear what God wants me to do.

The second thing that happened last Sunday was that Lilly started acting crazy when we dropped her off at the nursery Sunday evening. I don't know why but she just started screaming and calling for me - which she hasn't done since she was about 6 months old...well her fit just got me all rattled and I couldn't control the tears - they just came. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who was there to comfort me and remind me that she was going to be fine. He even went to check on her a few minutes later and sure enough she was happy as a clam. :)

That was my day - I've been better since Sunday but I still feel like I could so easily slip into a hole right now if I did not have Jesus in control over my life. I will continue to lean on HIM and not on to my own understandings. I will continue to remind myself that God made all good things and we are HIS creation, therefore we are good.

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