Will I Ever Fully Get It?

Throughout the whole process of not getting pregnant the passed 3 years, I thought I had learned the lesson - I am not in control when it comes to having a baby..God is.  No matter how much I plan, calculate, etc God has the ultimate say so in whether or not we have a baby or not. Got it!

Or, maybe not...

Recently, my husband and I have been looking into the idea of adopting a child.  My thoughts:  "we are good parents, we already have one child who is smart and well-behaved, so of course they will want to give us a child"

We went to an adoption orientation for a local agency.  Our idea was that we would adopt a 2-5 year old.  The lady began the session by telling us that if weren't adopting a child 8 years old or older, a sibling group of 3 or more, or doing the foster to adopt program then our chances of getting a child the ages we wanted were very slim.

So, I began to think, "Maybe we should to the foster to adopt" "Maybe we should adopt older"

I am so thankful for my husband, he could see my wheels turning and he turned and said to me, "We will not be fostering any children because that would be too hard on Lilly.  We will fill out the application as we planned and then we will leave the rest to God." 

It was a breath of fresh air to me.  Exactly what I needed to hear, through my husband
God had to remind me that having another child - through adoption or biologically - either way, it is still up to God!

Quiet Time with God

I know that if I start my day off with some quiet time praying and reading God's Word then I will have a better day than if I don't.  The problem is that some days I choose a little extra sleep over getting up before everybody else, or some days my daughter gets up earlier than expected and then I don't get the quiet time I was planning to have. 

I try not to make my quiet time a "check off the list" thing, but more a mindset for my day.  If I start my day talking with Him, I'm more likely to focus on Him all throughout the day.  Now, if I could only figure out a way to make Him the focus on the days that I don't get the quiet time. 

Whether I start my day with Him or not, He is with me always and will never leave me or forsake me.

We As Parents

In Feb. 2008, God blessed us with an amazing gift - our daughter.  As her parents we are called to do what we think is best for our children, right?  The problem is that sometimes what one parent sees as best for their child is totally different from what another parent views as best.  This has been a struggle for me ever since I found out I was pregnant. 

We never put Lilly in our bedroom.  From day one she slept in her room, in her crib.  It worked for us.  I know many moms who co-slept with their child - it worked for them. 

At 5 months, we did the "cry it out" method with Lilly.  For about a week, we let her cry herself to sleep.  It was hard for that week, but afterwards it was one of the best things ever because we could lay her down in her crib awake and she could put herself to sleep.  I know some moms who would never do this and see it as cruel, but like I said - it worked for us.

We do not let our daughter dress up or participate in anything related to halloween.  It is a personal conviction of ours - one we feel very strongly about.  It is what we feel is best for our family.  I know many people who have no problem with it - that works for their family.

We have decided to home school Lilly.  I know many parents who feel strongly about sending their child to school so they can be a light to others. 

For Christmas, we celebrate Jesus' birth but do not have Santa come to our house.  It works for our family and we can focus on serving and giving to others rather than receiving.

Does that mean our way was wrong and their way was right? Or that our way was right and their way was right? I don't believe so, but there still seems to be tension when you have a different method of doing something.  On my part, I need to remember that most parents are doing what they see best for their children and just because it is different from the way we do things does not necessarily make it wrong.


 

Don't Know What to Ask

Recently, I wrote a post where I talked about how I never know what to do in certain situations, so I always call people to help me.  Now, I'm writing a post about not knowing what to ask for help?  It seems contradictory but it isn't. 

My husband travels a lot.  He is gone for long chunks of time and then home for a good chunk of time.  It is hard, but we are making it work by focusing on the positives...more on that in another post.  People are always telling me that if I need anything while he is away to just ask.  I would love to take people up on their offers, but I don't know what to ask them to do.  I mean, what exactly is my responsibility that I shouldn't pass off on others and what is the "extra" that is ok to ask others to help with?  Since, I don't know the answer to this question I usually end up doing it all alone. 

If you are one of those people who offers to help me, just know that I appreciate your offer, but I honestly do not know what to ask you to do. 

Help! I Don't Know What to Do!

I am adult, but sometimes I feel like others are way more grown up than I am.  There are certain situations that I find myself in and I just don't know what to do except call somebody. 

If I am not feeling well or my daughter is sick or has a bump, rash, etc I never know if I should go to the doctor?  Is this normal?  Should I just wait it out?  So, I usually call my mom.

If our dog is having issues where I don't know if I should take her to the vet or just wait it out, I call my aunt.

If I hear noises in my attic or have an unknown critter in my yard - I call my neighbor.

You get the point, right?  I just can't seem to handle these situations by myself.  Usually, I can't even come up with a plan of action at the moment - except call so-and-so.  Then, when that person tells me what to do or comes to do something, I think, "Why didn't I think of that?  It seems so logical." 

Maybe one day I'll grow up and know how to handle these things, but until then I will be thankful I have people to call. 

Change My Heart?

Have you ever prayed for God to change your husband's heart about something only to find out that it was your heart that needed changing, not his. 

I can recall a time when this was the case:

One was when we just starting attending out current church and I didn't feel like it was a right fit for us.  I felt it was time for us to go somewhere else.  I kept asking my husband if we could leave and attend some other places.  He continued to say, "I don't think it is time yet.  I think God wants us to stay here for a while longer."  So, I prayed, "Lord, change his mind, let him see things my way."  Come to find out, God changed my heart about our church and now I can't imagine going somewhere else. 

If you have ever read the book by Stormie Omartian, Power of a Praying Wife, you know that the first thing she tells you to pray for when praying for your husband is for his wife.  It is a hard concept to grasp, but it definitely helps me check my motives.  Am I trying to get my husband to do what I want or what God wants?  Ultimately I want to do what God wants always, but sometimes I get sidetracked.

Alone in the Crowd

Have you ever been in a room full of people, people you know, and felt very alone?  I do not like this feeling at all.  I get in these situations where I feel like I should have something to say to somebody, but I can't think of anything.  In my head, it seems as if everybody is talking to somebody and all I can do is stand there and try to smile.  Pressure comes over me during these times and it is almost like a very mild panic attack inside my body. 

I am an introvert, always have been, so that means I get my energy from being alone and having quiet time.  This does not mean that I do not like to be around people.  When I am with 1 or 2 friends, sometimes I feel like I can't stop talking.  Since being a stay at home mom, I crave time to talk with my husband or other moms or just adults in general. 

When I was in high school and college, people used to tell me they thought I was being "stuck up" or "snooty" because I wouldn't talk to people.  I guess that is what I think now as an adult, that if I don't talk to people they are going to think I am being rude and I really am not trying to be. 

Does anybody else experience this or is it just me?

Long Time, No Post

I haven't posted on this blog in a while because I have a new blog that focuses on my daughter.  I feel like she is who most of my posts focus on.  In my journal, though, I keep record of so many things I would like to blog about so I'm going to start. 

All of the posts are about things I'm sure I am not alone on, but sometimes I feel alone when it comes to these topics.  I am hoping that if anybody who is reading this has been in the same situation or had the same feelings that you'll let me know I'm not alone or that you'll feel encouraged that you are not alone. 

Here we go....