Third Trimester

We sent in the adoption package in January.  I said it felt like when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, like "this is really happening!"  We went through the "pain" of getting the paperwork together, finding people to be references, finding somebody to be our alternate caregiver, etc. 

 Next, we went through the "knowledge" section of this process.  We took lots of classes to help prepare us for whatever child gets placed with us (although I don't think you can ever fully be prepared until it actually happens). 

 Now, we are in the final phase.  It really feels like the third trimester of pregnancy to me.  We are getting the house ready - painting the room, organizing, putting latches on cabinets, etc. I am definitely nesting and trying super hard not to be too nagging to my husband to get things completed. 

The lady from the agency is coming to our house this Saturday to do our home study!  It is very exciting and a little surreal to think we are finally at the end.  I'm sure after the home study when Lord willing they say we are able to open our home for children then it will be the waiting game, just like waiting and not knowing when your baby will be born.  We will be waiting to get a placement - unsure of when it will be or what gift God has in store for us.  Will our child be healthy or have medical concerns?  What will our child's personality be?  Will Lilly and the new child get along?  There are so many unknowns but I know God has it all under control. 

Change in Plans

Our original plan was to do straight adoption, they told us it would be more difficult to get the age child we wanted that way, but not impossible.  Then, we got a phone call that changed things.  The lady said we could not move forward unless we were willing to do foster to adopt in emergency situations.  She said she totally understood if we did not feel comfortable with that and wanted to close our account, but that we needed to think about it and let her know.  We were shocked and taken back!

We prayed, got others to pray and then we decided that God was not telling us to close our account so forward we would move. 

Now, we are going to foster to adopt with the intent to adopt.  The primary reason we didn't want to go that route to begin with is because of Lilly.  When I had mentioned it to her before, she said it made her very sad.  Since this change of events, I have had a chance to talk with her more in depth about it and it still makes her sad that they might have to leave, she seems to like the idea of being a big sister to a child who needs a safe home.

Next step, a few more pieces of paperwork (I'm sure it is more than a few) and then a week of classes for my husband and I. 

Fasting and Revelations

Last week, I joined Linny and her blog followers, in a day of fasting and prayer.  I wasn't planning to do it after I read that it was coming up, but that morning I felt led to join in.  Honestly, I did not think I could do it.  Only one other time have I fasted and it was for medical purposes, not spiritual.  I was surprised by the fact I wasn't more hungry than I was - I did end up having a piece of bread at lunch and one at dinner but mostly so I could "break bread" with my daughter instead of sitting there watching her eat. 

This experience was very enlightening.  I had a few revelations during this time:
1) I read all the prayer requests on the blog and realized that my "prayer request" to have another child was so, so, so minor compared to all the others - people whose children were so sick, or people who haven't talked to their children in years, or people without jobs, or people whose marriages were falling apart.  I am not saying God doesn't care about my desires, but I realized that my focus was off.  I should be focusing on my blessings.

2) I was crying out to God, wondering why all these Christians were hurting so bad then I was reminded that we are not meant to have heaven on earth.  Not that God doesn't want good things for us, but if everything on earth were peachy all the time, why would we want to go to heaven. I was also reminded that Jesus never promises that following Him will be easy, in fact, He says that it will be hard and Christians will be persecuted but that our rewards will be in heaven. Praise God for that!

3) I realized that my focus in prayer and in actions needed to not be on myself but on others and on what God wants me to do. 

So, I am throwing my agenda out and leaving my slate empty for God to fill and direct me where He desires I go.

"I will go, Lord, if you lead me."

Submit to Your Husband

Right after October 2006, when I truly accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and started living for Him and not for myself, I learned the true meaning of the verse "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord" Ephesians 5:22.  It doesn't mean to let them walk all over you or beat you, but to trust them (as you do the Lord) to lead your family.  In doing this, sometimes I have to bite my tongue to what I think is right and let my husband lead our family in the way he thinks we should go. 

My feelings on this used to be that my husband was going to be accountable to the Lord for the ways He led us, so I found it easy to be like "it's on your shoulders, Babe, do what you feel God is calling us to do."  Then, if it was wrong or ended badly, I would think, "I'm glad I'm not accountable for that." 

Recently, I realized I am his helpmate. God has made us one through our marriage so I shouldn't think that his decisions don't have any eternal effect on me.  If I think the way he his leading us on a certain decision isn't the godly path, then I need to 1) pray about it, make sure I'm not just trying to "get my way" but that I think there is a better choice, 2) talk to my husband about the decision and we need to pray together about the decision, and 3) if he still chooses the path that I don't agree with, continue to pray for him but also submit and leave it alone even if it does turn out "wrong" or "badly." 

It Isn't the Same

Have you ever had something about you be the same for so long that you didn't really notice God changing you?  For so long, my profession, my heart, my everything has been about children.  I wanted to be a teacher from 6th grade on (maybe earlier).  I worked with children all through middle school, high school and college - baby-sitting, nursery, teaching, tutoring, etc.  When I graduated college, I began teaching right away - taught kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade during my 9 year span.  When I had my daughter, I began teaching the children's Sunday School class at our church.  I figured that is where my gifts are, that is my passion...right?  Well, recently I have realized I hadn't been so passionate about teaching Sunday School - not that I don't love the children and want to serve them and teach them Christ's love for them, but I just haven't been excited about doing it. 


A close friend was telling me about how a lot of times the "struggles and trials" we have been through become our passion.  God uses those to allow us to help others and encourage others b/c we've been through it and came out the other side.  Well, as she was telling me this I was thinking what has been my struggle or my trial?  I thought of 2.


1)  My marriage!  I mean, not now - right now it is pretty great and my husband and I praise God often, but at the beginning it was pretty rough.  We started out as two non-Christians who were basically sharing an apartment.  We didn't consult the other on anything - we didn't communicate very well at all and we fought constantly.  God brought us so far in teaching us, through HIS word about how to treat each other.  He taught me how to be submissive to my husband (which doesn't mean letting my husband walk all over me or beat me or any of the "negative" things some people think when they hear the word submissive) and how to let him lead our family.  The Lord also taught my husband how to love me and be more sensitive to my needs and my desires.  Because we had a rough marriage for about 4 years, I can relate through those wives who are struggling in their marriage, I have a heart for those women who want "out" because I was there. 


2)  Being a mother!  I really struggled in the transition from being a working wife to being a stay at home mother.  I knew it was what I needed to do and it was best for my daughter, but it took a lot of prayer and a lot of struggle to get to where I was content with this new "job" that God had called me to do. 


So, my passions have changed.  I am passionate about helping women who are struggling in these areas and providing encouragement for them because, like I said, I have been there.  I am not so sure what specific ministry God wants me to be a part of in order to use these struggles to help others, but I am keeping my eyes open. 


I will go, Lord, if you lead me.  I will follow you!

Depraved Indifference and God's Will

Thoughts and words of adoption have been bounced back and forth between my husband and I over the last few years, but I don't think something that God has called us to do yet.  This video doesn't necessarily make me think I should go out and adopt a child, but more so that I should go out and do something. 

About a month ago, my husband had 2 interviews for a new position with his company.  We were really certain he was going to get the job since nobody else was even being considered for it and we as a family had some pretty unique qualifications that fit the position.  The job was going to mean moving to Mumbai, India.  We were excited about it because this is a place with lots of poverty - yes, you read it right.  We were excited about the poverty because we were excited at the ways God could use us there to help those children sleeping on the streets or the families with no food. 

Then, it occurred to me that there are people here in my community that don't have food or who sleep on the streets and what do I do to help them.  I don't usually because I have my daughter and I don't want to expose her to those harsh conditions, but yet I was okay with moving to India and her seeing the poverty all around her because it would show her how not everybody has what she has. 

Then, this brings me back to am I doing God's will.  I have been constantly searching for this great ministry to be a part of or this awesome way that I can help a person, family, child, whatever.  What I seemed to not see (until now) is that God IS using me to help others - I help my husband each day by washing his clothes and fixing his dinner and making sure he knows how much i care for him and respect him.  I help my daughter each day by getting her dressed, feeding her meals, teaching her God's Words, taking her to play dates and showing her how much I love her - this wonderful gift that God has given me.  I help my friends by encouraging them and praying for them and holding them accountable for their actions and words (hoping they will do the same for me).  I help the students in my Sunday School class at church by teaching them God's words and praying for them and showing them how much I care for them.

Is there more I could be doing?  Maybe, but I don't believe that God has called me to do anything else at this time.  Will I keep my eyes open for those other opportunities?  Of course, because as time goes on I believe The Lord uses us in different ways in our various stages of life.